


Window Cracks

by black_leo



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-08 10:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11644536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_leo/pseuds/black_leo
Summary: Every mark left would turn out to be a part of a pattern that’s unique and can never be copied. It just happened that even the most beautiful mosaic could have little cracks, when the glass smith is not sure of what he created, or the reason behind it. Once it cooled down to its form, it will never be reformed again.





	1. W.C.1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello. I'm back with another fanfic, but this time, it revolves around the adorable Minwoo couple of Winner. For being a YG stan and missing them, I'm cross-posting this story for more fellow incles to read. Enjoy, and feel free to knock here with your comments.

*Knowing is one thing. Believing is another.

 

September 24, 2014

Dreams we’re never on my favor. They don’t show what I want to see. Every time I wake up, it feels like I didn’t rest at al. it just worsens and I guess I don’t look like the same old me. I feel drained of every happy thought I can conceive, and damn, I even feel like drowning myself. I started to enjoy hitting myself just to vent it out without hurting anyone. Free falling is the right term here, the difference is that the end of this trail is like the underworld (guess I won’t reach the pit of Tartarus yet, just the asphodel). I’ll end up as a wandering soul without any memory to hold on.

“We’ve reached our destination…”

Everything’s in haze, the sounds seem like fading murmurs in the ears. I didn’t bother to let my eyes linger on what’s outside the window. I’d rather end up rotting on this seat than to explore out there. Who cares about those creatures lurking on the ocean’s depth and was held hostages within a gigantic aquarium for everyone’s entertainment?

I’ll just see myself within that glass, moving carelessly in any direction; just an insignificant bubble in the ocean.

“Excuse me, but we’re supposed to be out there a minute ago.”

“Then why didn’t you go first? You don’t need to wait for me.”

“But I’m one of the tour guides here, and I need to ensure that everything goes as planned, with every tourist enjoying and-”

“Fine, I’ll get moving now. Stop being a walking advertisement.”

It didn’t made sense to the wolf wearing a lamb skin named Jinwoo, when he saw the taller male respond with a genuine smile. He wasn’t being nice, nor was he meant the words to come out as the fruit of his sense of humor. He thought, that the guy in front of him supposed to be creeped out by his looks and demeanor (because who wears a gray hoodie matched with black pants on a hot summer day looking petrified on his seat the whole ride not even minding to complain and curse global warming?).

“Don’t give me that face. Just go.”

“After you.”

Jinwoo’s brow was raised due to the tour guide’s answer. He shouldn’t be the one giving an effort in making others move out his way, they go away on instinct. He wasn’t Jinwoo if the people adore him. He guessed, nature had some problem when completing the whole existence of the man in front of him, for he’s doing the opposite of what the now frowning Jinwoo expects.

“Hey, no need to look at me that way. I just need to ensure that you’ll keep your words and really go out into the open air and not hide here. So, let’s go?”

“Who told you to link arms with me?”Jinwoo asked, his natural doe eyes turning into slits, sending off a dark aura and a glare to the grinning man (that he doesn’t even want to be close with), and if looks can pierce the soul and cut limbs, the guy would be armless by now.

“I told you just now, so you won’t escape and run away. By the way, I’m Min Ho, but it’s fine to call me just Mino.”

He didn’t replied and just put all his focus on prying off the tanned (more like dark) guy who call himself Mino, but the latter’s hold is that of an iron clamp. He let out a sigh of exasperation, stomped loudly and started to walk out the bus (with an obnoxious dark monkey clinging on his right arm, giving him goose bumps because, does that mean he looks like a tree now? Nah, his height doesn’t agree. He’s even sure he didn’t use any banana-scented perfume, so what’s with the arm loop?).

Who the hell cares who you are?

“Hey that’s-”

“I’m not asking.”

“And that’s-”

“I’m not interested.”

“Anyways, that’s-”

“Point another one and speak another word and I’ll cut that finger off your hand!”

Every eye fell on them due to Jinwoo’s outburst, but he doesn’t mind the looks they give him, not at all. It’s a faster way of saying, “Hey, I’m a bad guy, don’t come near me.” It’s just that, Mino is either an alien or just plain stupid to understand Jinwoo’s obvious irritation.

“I’m not the only tourist here, go bother someone else. And stop trying to link arms with me again.”

“But you’re the only grumpy one here, so it’s my job to be your personal guide for today. Aren’t you lucky?”

“In what part am I lucky? And when did the job description of a tour guide include that incentive? And why did they hire someone as loud and clingy as you?”

What he expected to hear was a retort (with a couple of punches here and there) due to his straight insults, he didn’t expect to feel the man’s warm hand ruffling his hair and giggling like a school girl (for a man with looks of him, he’s obviously exudes feminine actions once in a while which is kind of awkward for the innocent looking guy), coughing immediately to avoid embarrassing his self further.

“You’re cute.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“I’m not.”

“I said you are cute, you haven’t looked at yourself in the mirror?”

“Aish!”

September 25, 2014

Nothing goes with what I plan. I keep on going anywhere even though I always end up like a lost puppy. I don’t like the weather. Sunlight makes me want to cower where the brightness won’t reach me. The breeze is having fun with tickling my expose neck. I hate it. And, what’s the name of that monkey? Right, Mino. I hate him. The definition of his name should sound something like ‘mischief’. He looks happy, well almost everyone around me looks happy and content. That’s also one of the parts I hate. Why did I even choose to let my feet bring me to this place? Everything shouts colors and laughter and warm cocoa drink before going to bed. I hate it.

“What are you doing?”

Jinwoo snapped out from his diary recorder because of the taller guy’s sudden appearance. He clutched the gadget closer to his chest, like his life depended on it (well, it’s the casket of all his secrets so it’s a really valuable item, at the moment).

“Who told you that you can go sneaking on people because you just want to?”

“I’m not sneaking on you, you’re too paranoid Jinwoo-ssi. I just came here to give you this. You’re looking paler than yesterday. Are you not feeling well?”

A hand was shoved in front of him, holding a cup of mocha latte. Something within him felt like being struck. It was the first time someone asked him about his very own welfare. Not that he needed that kind of attention from anyone.

“Not feeling well is an understatement. And keep your being nosy to yourself. I don’t need it.”

“Won’t you stop being a brat and pain in the ass? Just this once, until you’ve completed the tour package?” Mino said with so much conviction, Jinwoo almost believed he was possessed. Almost.

When his composure returned, Jinwoo pulled the coffee out of Mino’s grasp, gave him a glare and immediately pointed the straw the latter’s slightly parted lips.

“Drink. That’s your money. I don’t need it. I don’t need your attention, so stop sparing me one. You’re the only one who makes me speak this long, and I don’t want to continue trying to control myself from hitting you straight on the face and just break that nose of yours.”

“You always use the negative words. It doesn’t suit your face and physique at all.”

“Stop looking at me and just go away.”

“Don’t be so cold at anyone who’s trying to befriend you. It’s not like I’m sneaking at your life so quickly. And it’s not every day that someone would have the courage to befriend you.”

“I don’t need any form of connection from you, or from anyone. I’m good with just myself and my shadow, and I don’t need anyone to be a burden to me.”

Instead of another sharp angry reply, Mino’s tough image melted into his old self, the smiling and trying to be adorable (though really, aegyo doesn’t suit his masculine appearance) in front of the deer guy.

“You know what? I hate myself too. I guess it will take long for this man in front of you to be worn off from trying to befriend the likes of you.”

Before he could answer back, (trying to deny with his self that he actually appreciated the warmth the monkey guy is giving him) Mino has already walked away, for the first time, not because he pushed him again but because his will made him do it.

September 26, 2014

I’m home. No one to come to, no one to welcome me. But, I enjoy this silence and comfort right? No one’s going to bother me again. I’m totally fine. And after that trip to Manila, my next stop would be-

He was cut off by the knock on his apartment’s door.

I was talking about my great solitude and then someone tries to bother me, just my luck.

When there was no more sound, he tried to continue recording for his diary, but was cut off again. He immediately went to know who’s trying to be a nuisance to him as early as 8:22 in the morning.

What he saw was not what he expected. It would have been better if it was Dara, the bubbly lady who lives at the end of the hall and trying to pursue him to cross dress for her just to pull a prank to her group of friends (Jinwoo is not sure why they call themselves 2ne1 when all of them are not 21 years old anymore), or Seungri, the guy who lives next door and is trying to give him a blind date because he said Jinwoo needs some ‘spice’ in his life. But no.

It was Mino, in all his glory and horrible grin.

At least it wasn’t a serial killer or a kidnapper or a bad guy (no, he’s not considering Mino to be a good guy either).

“Hello Jinwoo-ssi! I just decided I should drop by to know if you’re alright and you haven’t tried to jump off this building. Yet. Anyways, here, I brought you breakfast. I don’t think you have cooke anything yet.”

“How did you even know the location of my apartment? And why are you so sure of what I’ll do and I won’t do? Who the heck do you think you are? A mind reader?”

“Hey, with that face you’re giving me, you’re making me feel that I look like a bloody murderer, that I am not, I assure you. So, can I come in?”

Knowing that he couldn’t do anything (he thinks so) to shove the man away, he let him in, not without some cuss words here and there. It’s not that much to make your ears bleed.

“”

“Hey Jinu hyung, you sound like a cussing machine.”

His head snapped into the younger male’s direction after hearing the nickname he gave him (because he doesn’t like it at all, or he believes so).

“What did you call me?”

“Ah, nothing, I just guess it fits you. But don’t worry, I won’t say it again. Don’t mind me.”

“How would I not mind you if you’re here within my very own personal space?”

“Let’s just say, you can totally trust me.”

And Jinwoo couldn’t understand why he believes he can trust Mino without being afraid at all. And that’s why he fear any connection, he thinks it would end up abruptly, the way it started to fast.

His façade is as cold as always. But the next words from the monkey guy, as how he call him in his mind, broke it.

“By the way Jinwoo-ssi, happy birthday!”

Saying he was surprised is an understatement. He was definitely shocked. The not so familiar warmth seeping within him again.

In front of him was a chocolate cupcake with an unlighted candle on top. After noticing, Mino immediately panicked and find for any match or lighter within his black backpack.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry, I just want to surprise you and all I forgot to bring a lighter or some matches and I guess I totally screwed this up but-”

“Stop this. Just go.”

“But Jin-”

“I said go! What’s hard to understand with that statement?!”

Rejection that harsh should make him angry right? But then again, he remembered Mino was not normal. No part of the monkey guy is normal.

“Alright Jinwoo-ssi! I’ll just leave this breakfast meal and cupcake here on your table. Don’t say you won’t eat, okay? Bye!”

He literally slammed the door on the still smiling Mino (doesn’t he get tired with the never-ending happy face at all?) who tried to say another goodbye to the angry male (that’s what he’s telling his self the reason for feeling the unwanted warmth) and locked his self within his room.

He saw his diary recorder and turned it on. He considered it his best friend, really. It doesn’t try to talk to him and annoy him (of course it’s a plain gadget).

Nothing that’s happening today is right. Nothing at all. He should be moving away from me, not trying to be closer. What should I do?! He’s like a gum that’s hard to scrape off. I want him out of my life! The nerve of that guy to irritate me like this! I hate him! I hate him, I hate him!

I hate him, I guess.


	2. W.C. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was the first chapter? This is a chaptered story but it won't be that long, so I hope you enjoy until you reach the last chapter.

September 27, 2014

I hate this day. I should be sleeping on my own bed, the heck, I’d even sleep on the floor than go out and try to have fun as what Seungri hyung said but I’ m here in the midst of choosing what to wear. The hell, why am I even giving an effort here? Right, I’d just wear clothes hideously so that date of mine would just back off and not try to hook up with me. It’s always effective and will always be- right… except for that monkey guy. If he only stop from being a creep that he is, or if only I could travel to the other side of the globe just to be far away from him.

 

After checking for any possible chances of an intruder while he’s away from home, he grabbed his recorder and slipped it within one of the hidden pockets of his gray hoodie. Started to drag himself out his room and towards the ‘sanctuary’ of the mastermind of the blind date (or should he say the factory of evil plans).

What he didn’t expect to see at his door’s footstep was a tall male (he really should not straighten too much, he’s tall already no need to flaunt it) who seemed to ponder on whether he should knock or just walk away and was caught contemplating so decided to just smile widely (awkwardly is the right word).

“Oh, hi!”

“I’m going somewhere. Don’t bother me.”

“Really? I could give you company if you want.”

“You heard me clearly right? Don’t bother me. And don’t try to intrude in everything I do.”

“Um, okay. I’ll just come back tomorrow-”

“What i mean is, don’t intrude in my life, ever, again.”

What jinwoo said left the other male (who’s looking like he tried to spick and span and smart with the help of a wire-rimmed glasses but failed to fix his hair that he ended up looking like an ahjussi) clinging to his shirt where the heart is located, as if to show he was deeply hurt.

He saw genuine concern in the tanned male’s eyes but decided to brush it off from his mind and continued to move to the reason of him coming out from his own sanctuary.

***

 

“Stop doing that will you?” Jinwoo harshly pushed the girl named Chorong away, because it was the nth time she tried to kiss him and fail because the deer guy (who I believe can be prettier than the said girl if he try to) keep on showing his dislike for the aggressive actions.

“Wait... are you gay?!” Chorong asked, showing a shock expression as if he discovered that he tried to show intimate affection to a guy who’s got a hideous disease. Jinwoo got more irritated with every second that passes and decided to just ignore the girl (who’s torn with just walking away and forget the date or try to succeed in attracting the male).

“Nah, on second thought, I don’t sense any gayness in you. But actually, you do look feminine,” her statement earned another glare from the pale-skinned boy. Every action, her slurring words show that she’s already drunk. He , on the other hand, didn’t even show up any sign of being taken over by alcohol (though he admits he’s a little tipsy, surely, just a little).

“Or is it because, you haven’t been kissed yet?” she asked again, wriggling her eyebrows in the process, pouted her lips (which is one of the most disgusting actions that he seen, Jinwoo decides)and moved closer in attempt to give him butterfly kisses all over his adorable face (really, who can’t stand Jinwoo’s cuteness?). Before he could yank the girl’s hands (claws) off him again, Chorong was already pulled away by an unexpected ‘friend’ (he should have sensed his presence in over a mile radius, proving that he’s an alien).

Before he could react, he was dragged away from the loud sounds and mixed scent of alcohol and sweat, towards a black motorbike designed with galaxy blue graffiti of words he couldn’t understand at the moment.

“What went into your head and you decided to visit that place?!” for the first time, he saw the other side of Mino, being angry fit his masculine image, like being dominant was his nature (but let’s face it, it’s Mino we’re talking about).

“Why the hell do you care?! Stop being like an overprotective and clingy b-brother!”

“I’m the one who’ll decide if I’ll stop or not. This is the first time I’m seeing you waste your life! Do you even like the girl you’ve gone out with? Do you?”

Mino’s eyes seem to expect an answer that he wants to hear, his hurt expression tells so.

“I don’t like her, so what? Surely, she’s not even serious about this going out and flirting with a guy like me. And of course it’s your first time to see me like this because you’ve just met me for being the obnoxious tour guide that you are and you’ve been pestering me since that day! And why am I even giving time to explain myself here?!”

“Because you’re my Jinu! The heck, I can’t stand this pretending game anymore! We’re fine before all of those disasters. We’ve- we’ve been always fine...”

“What. Do. You. Mean? Answer me! Why won’t you talk when I’m giving you the chance?!”

Silence.

“Because... I’m not even sure if I want you to remember. I thought after what happened, after I saw that you already recovered, we could just start anew... but it’s definitely harder than I thought.”

Jinwoo felt her hands tremble, though he is not even sure the real reason behind it. He want to get angry and trash the other male’s words, to make himself believe that Mino’s just being his weird self and all that he said are just the product of his malfunctioning brain.

Though, after looking straight in the eyes of the taller guy (who seems to cower in frustration, as if he wants the shadows to engulf him at the moment), he realized everything is real.

There was so much more he wants to know.

“Can you just stop with all those introductions as if I need those?! I definitely hate cliff-hangers.”

Instead of a full-blown explanation, all he got was the silent treatment (though he admits he loves the silence, it’s a different story in this kind of situation) and he just wants to throw all the cusses he remembers but was cut off when he saw him returning his gaze.

What he saw was, longing, pain, and fear. Of what, he didn’t know.

“Jinwoo hyung... just please don’t ask. I won’t bother you anymore after this, that I can assure you... just... don’t do this again, okay? You’re too precious to me, so please... don’t do anything that might bring you harm... again,” he said it softly like a whisper, but Jinwoo heard it all clearly. Mino held the trembling hands of the other endearingly, and Jinwoo can’t help himself but resign to the tight clasp on him. For the first time, he willingly let someone hold him without giving a glare or scoff in return. It doesn’t seem like him, but he felt calm, as if he has missed this part of him.

Before he could interrogate the younger guy (which he saw as a man for the first time, and not as an alien or monkey that he has always imagined him to be), Mino has already put a helmet on his head and led him to his motorbike as a companion on the ride towards home.

***

 

For the first time, he was submissive (and a guy like him made him do this, and what made him more agitated was he don’t find this cringe-worthy at all, as if this was bound to happen, though he has always told his self that he doesn’t swing that way), and though he doesn’t want to admit it, he felt carefree for the first time as well, with the breeze flowing and his hands on the other’s waist.

He felt contentment. And he was afraid of his growing attachment.

“About what you said...”

“I mean it hyung. There’s no need to ask. I guess this is the last time you’ll be thinking on ways to throw me out of your life. You take care of yourself, okay? You won’t like me showing up at unlikely hour just because you made me worried, right?”

He didn’t know what to give as an answer. He’s always told himself that the day Mino decided to walk away would be one of the day he would mark on his calendar. He always imagined it to be happy and be a reason for a celebration, not this way; it shouldn’t be making him feel empty.

What the heck is wrong with me?!

Before he could construct his thoughts well, Mino has already left.

And it left him more confused.

***

 

He let his bed’s invitation consume him, and it was almost three hours before he decided that Somnus, the god of sleep won’t be visiting him, so he let his mind wander again to the events (more like, series of unfortunate events) that occurred that day. All he got was a dizzy mind, and he wishes his migraine won’t follow suit.

“What does that even mean?!”

Jinwoo felt like a bomb about to burst that he almost throw his diary-recorder on the nearby wall (but he managed not to, thanks to his self-restraint) but he clasped it tighter and turned it on.

September 28, 2014

If I can find someone who can give me the answers I want, of course, except for that alien Mino, I’ll forever be grateful to you. I don’t know how to clear those things from my mind, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to forget it. What are the things that I should have remembered? What am I really to him? Why does it felt like he know me so well? Who the hell are you really Mino?!

Aargh!

This is what I wanted right? Now I could go on peacefully with my life. I... I shouldn’t worry about it. He’s still that annoying brat. He’ll always stay like that.

Starting today I could rest well.

 

Despite his words full of conviction, he doubts himself.

A week has passed without any unwanted knocks on the door, no annoying visitor, no loud mouth that would tempt him to use his hidden electric tape (you won’t be sure when you suddenly need one), thus he should be relieve, right?

Unfortunately, Jinwoo just felt emptier.

To pass time and not let boredom kill him, he started cleaning his apartment (that he haven’t done since he can’t remember when) and started choosing the unwanted items on a starting to rise mound of rubbish (which are mostly hidden papers or plastics on unexpected places, like, how did a ball of crumpled paper managed to sneak in within his pillow without him noticing it?) but he decided to stop for a while when he discovered a navy blue box placed below his bed.

It doesn’t show any sign of being special and it shouts plain, without any design or even a ribbon, but his curiosity (which is unusual for him) took him over. He felt sure he owns it (because why would it be within his home, under his own bed?).

Though, he wasn’t prepared for what he saw.

There are pictures of him and Mino, with dates and small notes written at the back. He is sure of one thing- they’ve been happy together travelling and discovering escapades unknown to others before. Every single shot of them shouts happiness, and he felt frustrated because he’s sure it should have triggered something within him.

There was one showing them playing with the snow in Sapporo. Another has both of them grinning because of their silly couple shirt while enjoying the view at Tokyo Tower. The next one was on their trip to Hong Kong Disneyland; he was wearing a Mickey Mouse headband, while Mino was wearing a magician’s hat. And he was just at the top portion of the pile. Every moment seems surreal, but it left him hollower. He was totally blank though what he expected was memories surging in.

What caught his attention next was a midnight blue envelope (what was wrong with everything being in various shades of blue? It doesn’t help him at all, it just seems to mock him more), and discovered that it wasn’t pried open yet. Without thinking twice, he decided to become the first reader of a mystery letter.

September 26, 2013

Hello my Jinu hyung.

I want to greet you another happy birthday, and I’m sure this is not the last time I’ll be thankful for having you in my life. You’re still sleeping like a bear in hibernation right now while I’m writing this letter, and I’m looking at your peaceful face. By the way, you totally look more like a deer right now’ though you’ll always be a lot cuter, of course.

I’m truly sorry, I’m feeling like I don’t deserve someone as kind as you, and what you did is nothing compared to the sweetest thing I did for you.

I’m sure I won’t be able to get angry at you once you wake up, therefore I’ll say my rants through this letter. NEVER EVER try to do that again!!!!! You almost gave me a heart attack. You should have

 

The letter was ripped into half, as if someone has already read it and decided to not let Jinwoo see the latter part, for what reason, he’s not sure. He felt a pang in the chest, for he just pushed Mino harshly, the only person he’s now sure had cared for him so much, and he felt like an idiot.

Yet, everything about him seems like puzzle pieces slowly filling in. And the only person he knows that can help him finish, was the same person who promised not to show his self anymore.

“I mean it hyung. There’s no need to ask. I guess this is the last time you’ll be thinking on ways to throw me out of your life. You take care of yourself, okay? You won’t like me showing up at unlikely hour just because you made me worried, right?”

The last words of the tanned male rang within his mind, and an idea hit him.

He just hopes it won’t backfire at him straight on the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovelots. (throws confetti to all readers)


	3. W.C. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, here's the continuation. Hope you enjoy the future chapters as well. If you were able to read this from another site, thanks for passing by and reading it again.

October 5, 2014

One person told me one idea he believes in, that life gives someone what he needs to receive, to experience, to undergo, even if it’s mostly hardships and phase of struggles, you need to accept it all. That at the end of the day, coming out of the river’s rapids is much more memorable rather than walking through still waters unharmed. It is much sweeter. Much… a stronger lever once you stand up after slipping. And it hurts so bad… ‘cause I want to hold on to those words… but I just can’t.

And I can’t even remember his face, his voice is even unclear, yet I don’t know why I’m so sure it’s a him.

I’m guessing it’s the musky scent that lingered on my nose, and I feel like I’ll know him once I see him.

On second thought… I didn’t even use his advice.

I simply run away from the world….

I just try to escape...

It feels like it’s not me.

 

Slowly, he walks through the cobbled streets, moving away from cracks if he sees one on his path. It makes him uncomfortable for reasons he couldn’t define. It was simply within him. Whether it was the after effect of the long drizzle, or the stars hiding on unknown horizons, he felt unsafe. Unsure.

When he flexed his neck on one side to subtly massage the muscles strained due to a series of sleepless nights and unsounded chest pains, a small puddle of water caught his sight.

With all the blaring lights of the busy night life in the city, the sweet talks of couples, heated arguments between elders, attracting screams of vendors, and quirky dance music coming from one of the clothing shops at the area, a little puddle of muck water simply didn’t belong there.

Like me.

I’m just nobody.

 

After a quick peek at his reflection, that always looks hollow, though it seems to be dimmer this time, he continued walking, to wherever his feet take him. Gravity seems to mock him. He felt his feet to be heavier, that he needs to drag them to follow his thoughts. Thoughts of his real life, his past and wherever he really belongs to always bothered him, it always take over his mind and results into a fit of migraine.

This time, it’s still the same.

The images of pictures of their travel and the ripped letter occupied him, jumbling his train of thoughts into chaos, that he didn’t notice a speeding car about to trample him.

The honking sounds pulled him back into reality, but after noticing the blaring headlights, he didn’t care if it’ll hit him and if he’ll end up forgotten. He wonders mostly if he’ll just be a never-ending wandering soul. Always lost and without a final destination.

As he closed his eyes, a warm smile filled his mind, and to him, it doesn’t make sense that he finds comfort in it.

His thoughts of dying were cut-off when strong arms gripped him strongly and pulled him away from danger. He doesn’t want to be thankful to this man for saving his life, he doesn’t want to owe somebody something, especially when it’s his life on the line that we’re talking about.

He slowly opened his heavy eyelids and felt ripped. Disappointed.

And it confused him, whether he’s feeling the anger seep in deeper because he was still breathing and his idea of dying is much, much better, or because where his gaze landed where not those dark brown orbs that always resembles little balls of sunshine and gives him warmth, but that of a stranger. It was pretty pair of rich brown eyes, with droopy eyelids that make him look sleepy, but he managed to pull the look well and be striking.

‘’Are you alright?”

He forcefully yanked away from the hold of the taller guy, and hastened his pace, even though he’s not even sure where his real destination is. He knows, he just to go away and solve his own problems at the moment.

‘’Hey mister!”

I’m not hearing anything. Blah-blah-blah.

When he heard no more calls from the stranger, he looked behind his back and to his relief, there was no one following him. After walking more for some time and feeling the slow drizzle not coming into a halt, but rather getting thicker, he entered a not that known café stucked between an unnoticed antique shop on the right and a shoe store on the left.

He was quite shocked when his eyes caught the sight of a pretty drenched man coming in, minutes after he has settled in one corner of the spacious shop. But before he could move out of his seat to change into one of those in the dimly lighted spot, the familiar guy has already scooted closer to his point.

His eyes went larger than usual (though it has always been that of a deer, it can turn into eyes of a giant squid, fine, just kidding) and a giggle sprang from the man’s lips, his eyes crinkling and a single dimple marks his right cheek, making him look adorable in a flash.

“I guess this is yours.”

Jinwoo’s gaze landed from the other guy’s face,to his hand laid in fron of him, holding a black leather wallet that has dirt marks on it. When the man noticed it, he quickly flinched and hastily cleaned the item using his own white handkerchief. This just made the doe-eyed male feel more embarrassed, thus he pulled his wallet immediately, making the other guy almost stumble from the spot.

“I’m sorry!”

“Nah, it’s fine. I believe I just look like a creep following you until here, but I think you need that. I’m going now, have a nice day, even though it’s raining outside.”

A stifled laughter escaped from his mouth after noticing the expression of Jinwoo change from shock, to mere confusion, his brows scrunching cutely (well, that’s his own perspective, so let’s just stick with his opinion because I can’t agree more). He bowed hurriedly and slipped out the café, but Jinwoo’s attention was speedily pulled by the sound of the tapping of raindrops at the sidewalk.

***

A loud, but slow-paced knock pulled him out of dreamland, and despite of his disheveled hair and clothes crinkled from the long sleep, he still walked straight towards the door to give some breakfast of cuss and scowl fresh from hell, because what’s with the early knocking at your neighbors door?

“What the-“

“Hello! I’m your new- oh wow! You’re the one who-”

“Lost his wallet but a good Samaritan helped me and that’s you, no need to reiterate, bye.”

Before he could return to the sanctuary within the home that is his bed, another knock was heard, and before he could let out the fume of irritation, he quickly walked to the door, pillow in one hand, and opened the door with the goal of pushing the new (not needed) neighbor. Yet, before he could do his plan (of exterminating an innocent one) he immediately stopped by a plastic bag where a pleasing aroma is coming from (because who can hate free food?).

“I’ve thought about… saying hi to my new neighbors, it just…. Happened that I chose to visit here first, so…. Let’s eat breakfast together?”

Though he received no answer, Jinwoo grabbing his ‘gift’ signifies that he can come in, but the doe-eyed boy’s left brow that rose tells him to put the words I-should-not-ruin-anything to heart.

“By the way, pillow is not a deadly weapon, if that’s the reason why you’re holding that earlier.”

“That’s not true, I can use it to suffocate you. Then you’ll be dead in less than 10 minutes.”

His ears perked up from what he heard, and his smiling sweetly expression changed into a confused (adorable) one.

“You won’t… do that… right?”

If you’re not that innocent-looking, I would’ve punched you.

“I won’t. As long as you stay there and don’t move. And don’t touch anything. And leave me with this food alone.”

“Okay.”

“Wait, why aren’t you fighting back? Get angry with me!”

“There’s no reason to be angry. I find it wrong to bring harm to other people, and I think you’re a good guy too.”

“Yeah right, saying that with conviction as if you’re a saint and you know me well. I’m warning you in advance, I’m one of those persons you wouldn’t mind hating so much”

The only sound heard after were the munching of fried rice and steady breathing of his visitor who kept on watching Jinwoo’s every movement.

“Do you believe in unicorns?’’

His sudden question made Jinwoo cough all of a sudden; rice flew from his mouth and he immediately grabbed the box of milk that came with the free breakfast.

“Are you high? Drunk? Or are you simply crazy?”

“None of what you said. It’s just me, trying to say that, if I decided that I want to believe in something, I don’t ask for proofs to show that it’s real; I just follow what I feel, even if I’m the only person left who believes in that one thing.”

Silence filled the air; Jinwoo expect his self to lash out on the taller male, yet he can’t. Unexpectedly, he felt no awkwardness at all. If he find Mino to be a ball of fuzzy energy, this guy standing in front of him gives off an aura of calmness, like what he feels when watching the falling leaves of autumn. He couldn’t quite grasp what was happening, but he felt warm inside.

“Oh, it’s almost 8am already, I’m running late for work. I’ll get going now. I guess you’re not feeling well, if its fine with you, I’ll be back later in the evening so I can make tea for you. I have one I learned from my grandmother, and it’s really effective in…” his ramblings died down when Jinwoo pointed towards the direction of the wall clock, making the other guy flinch in place when he realized the scolding he’ll receive from his boss for his tardiness.

“Oh, right! Thank you for your time! I’ll really go now this time. See you later!”

“Wait! Who told you that you can come here anytime you want?!”

“You really need to drink tea, it’ll calm you. Bye!”

And with those words the door was closed.

***

I really need to go out or I’ll really go crazy.

After grabbing his coat and securing the lock of his apartment’s door, he immediately walked off towards any path his feet would take him again. His talk with the new guy was the second time he felt appreciated, and the same feeling made him hate them both. His thoughts were cut off when he heard a familiar voice calling for him.

“Hey Jinwoo! I’ve really missed you!”

Before he could run for his life, he was tackled in a bear hug (well, more of like a cat hug, due to the girl’s feline eyes and sharp neon claws, er, nails). His hair was ruffled by the ‘predator’s’ hand, but he did not even try to pull his self out. Well, it is the forever fierce Chaerin in front of him, so, no room for fighting.

“You got the wrong address. Dara noona’s apartment is right over there, at the end of this hall, and you can go there now.”

“Hey, why are you pushing me away huh? Not so fast. You need to come with us this time.”

“No, I won’t come with you. That would obviously be a girl’s day out so why would I stick? Wait, are you going to make me your slave for the day because you can’t find anything to bribe me just to make me cross dress? That’s it right!”

A loud smack was heard, crashing the light bulb above Jinwoo’s head.

“That hurts!”

“You’re too paranoid. Ask no more and you can assure that you won’t get another hit from me. Are we clear?”

Why is life so harsh to me these days?

***

I knew it; coming with them was a really bad idea.

“How nice, I’ve been looking for you in a few days now just to get some answer with what’s boggling me, and without even trying this morning, I ended up trapped here, in this room that looks like it’ll collapse anytime soon, with you.”

“I’m sorry. Minzy has been a long-time friend of mine, and it just happened that I’ve shared about us, I mean, what used to be us, because I trust her. And I didn’t expect her closest friends to be connected to you in some way, and that they will make a plan to make us talk this over.”

“Yeah right, what a small world it is. I’ve proven it, you’re all aliens, and I’m the only one human left.”

If silence could kill, it would have already consumed them up to the bones.

“You know what? I hate you! I hate you so much! I don’t need to tell you a reason why!”

“Right, go hate me. I deserve that.”

“Are you really a masochist! Why won’t you fight me! Answer back! Defend yourself! Or I won’t stop hurting you! You’re a damn idiot who thinks he cares a lot so he wouldn’t spill a single bean, but the truth is he’s just afraid for his own good! Are you still not hurt!?”

“You know what hurts me more? It’s that you’re in pain but the one you truly need is not here to console you. You’re crying over someone that can’t be by your side anymore. All those pictures? You’re smiling in every one because he’s there with you. And that letter? I was the one who ripped that. That box of yours was a gift of my brother months ago. That was left by my twin brother, to compensate for the pain he gave you. But I know that were not enough.”

With all the ramblings he’s currently listening, he felt as if his brain is about to blow due to information overload. He just found out that he’s been in a relationship with the twin brother of the person he thought was the reason of the pang in his chest.

He felt wobbly, and that he can’t think straight at the moment, but he kept on listening. He put one hand on the wall to balance his self.

“You know what my biggest mistake is? I already have you within my arms but I had you stay with my brother because he’s gravely sick, and you were like a cure to him, the greatest gift I could give him at the moment was your time. We both fell so hard for you, and I knew he just let me continue with what I fell for you because he knew he’s going to leave soon. And, we were so sure of what’s with us, that though I do fear each time you travelled alone with him to far-away places, I didn’t follow and just let him be. I was so wrong, I forgot that he’s the one that caught your attention first. I was always hidden behind his shadow, and him having brain tumor and always locked up within the confinements of the hospital didn’t even change a damn thing.”

Jinwoo felt hot tears grazing his cheeks. Being succumbed by confusion and his heart wrenched by every words coming out from the younger guy’s mouth, he took a step forward and reach out his free hand to wipe the tears cascading like waterfall from Minho’s now puffy eyes from crying too much.

But the man he wants to comfort took a step backward, a sign that he won’t accept Jinwoo’s touch or any soothing gestures from the older one, in fear of wanting more and not letting go anymore.

He knows in his self that every day that the doe-eyed boy gets nearer his reach, a wide chasm was also growing between them, and he doesn’t want to amplify the crack anymore.

“Now you understand why I don’t want you to know anything from your past. Why can’t I speak a single word that moment you have allowed me to let you hear what’s in my mind. I don’t want to further hurt you. You were better without us in your life.”

“But I want to remember! I need to know my past. I don’t want to be a hollowman anymore who lets the wind push him anywhere without the road to take. I want a life of my own, one that will give me reason to breathe, to live, to appreciate every little detail around. I just want to experience happiness for once!”

“And I can’t give you that! Don’t you get it Jinwoo hyung?! I was the one who’ve given you like a thing that can be simply passed from one person to another. And those moments that you shared with him, those were the times I saw real bliss in you. No pretentions, no fear. It’s simply the carefree and innocent Jinwoo I thought I lost. You’ve never given me those kind of smile hyung. You never did. Then I realized, maybe you just fell with the idea of being inlove with me, not because you actually felt like entrusting me your whole life.”

“We….maybe we could… maybe you could help me… start all over again.”

“No hyung, I’ve thought about it over and over again. You can’t remember a thing, and once you regain those memories, where would that place us? It was a foolish thing I did, yes, talking to you on that tour and making myself believe that we can have another chance, that everything will end up well, but it simply can’t.”

“Its-”

“You were willing to give up your life for him hyung! You almost died saving my twin brother from those enemies of our family, and that was the day that changed it all. You were knocked unconciious by a strong hit on your head, and I thought my life would crumble into waste if I lose you. You know he was dying but you took every batter that was supposed to be his, and you didn’t even batter an eyelash to look in my direction to see if I was fine.”

Jinwoo was now cradling his face in his hands, wetting it with tears he now can’t control anymore from gushing out as if there’s no ending to it. His whimpering echoed in every corner of the void room. The gray walls seems to mock him more. It’s still morning, but it’s as if the clouds took all strength to not let its rays seep into the space despite of the wide cracks in the closed window.

“You never loved me, but I can’t help but still love you. Call this obsession or whatever, but I do love you, more than anything else in this world, and in this lifetime.”

He felt his knees buckle, but Mino quickly held him tight, allowing him to cry on the crook of his neck. The younger male’s arms were tight enough to let him stay unyielding, but not too tight that he might feel caged.

It felt familiar, but everything’s still fuzzy, that he can’t let himself remember even a single hidden memory.

This life sucks. Damn this amnesia.

“Jinu hyung… please don’t cry. This is not the right moment, but… I’ll be gone too, soon.”

His breath hitched, and he hurriedly took a peek at the face of the smiling (though it’s obviously a fake one) Mino.

“Sorry about… earlier, I was just ticked off, and there are times I just can’t control my emotions. I need to learn more about anger-management, especially when I’m around someone as fragile as you.”

He loosened his hug and just settled with holding the petite man’s shoulders. No words coming out from both males, the only sound spreading in the room is the sound of their breathing.

It doesn’t feel stuffy despite of being confined in a quite small area. Their eyes tell that they need each other to hold on at the moment; that they can be the anchor of each other. The only difference is that, Mino’s holding on to him deeper than the other.

“For how long?”

To his surprise, he sounded eager to know Mino’s answer that he felt his cheeks flush from embarrassment.

“Well… I’m not sure. I’ve agreed to study a business course and follow my father’s footsteps, knowing that I’m the only one left to take over the company. I’ll be busy, with all the training and stuff…. You go on with your life hyung. There’s that person out there, maybe he’s still a stranger, but I’m sure you’ll meet him soon. Though I’m not sure whether he could love you more than I do.”

His face breaks into a sly grin, that Jinwoo almost giggled from the younger guys antics. Almost.

But then again, it’s Jinwoo were talking about.

The sound of strong slap resonated on the walls, and this left Mino’s mouth hanging (if it could go wider enough for whole fist to fit in, Jinwoo would think that maybe he really is an alien monkey in disguise of as a sun-kissed male that is attractive enough, but of course the older guy would always deny it).

“What was that for?!’’ he countered while clutching his left cheek now stained with an ugly red mark of Jinwoo’s hand, who is now cross-armed, huffing in obvious irritation.

“After hurting me; I’ll wait for you, idiot.”

“Hey, you’ve also hurt me before, didn’t you? We’re just quits now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I really really feel sentimental and empty but I'm different so that's normal for me. Lovelots people.


	4. W.C. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...requirements and paperwork come and go... but here's another chapter so hope you enjoy.

“You need to go home hyung. They need you there. Mom’s been so worried about you.”

“No, I won’t come with you. Tell them I’m fine here and they got nothing to worry about, and they need to stop being paranoid.”

“But-”

“I know everything now, you don’t need to stutter anymore ‘cause it’s always obvious that you’re lying.”

Silence His brother felt guilt, through all those times that they hid Jinwoo’s past in fear that it will just hurt him further, yet in reality it didn’t do him any good. The gap between them and Jinwoo just got wider, though he knows that his brother is always there and is willing to help him. Theirs is a brotherhood already deep to be broken.

Seeing his brother bow his head low and look like a lost puppy, he held him in his shoulders and smiled genuinely.

“It’s fine. No need to worry about me”

“I’m sorry, but they won’t allow me to come back without you, so if you still care with this brother of yours, start packing now, I’ll wait for you in the living room”

“They won’t lock you out Seungyoon. Between us, you’re the good kid. They don’t have anything against you, so stop worrying and decide for yourself even for this one time. You know I care about you, a lot, but this is my decision, and this won’t change for a long time. And, in case they actually put a sign that says, keep out, you could always come here and stay with me. I’m all alone here after all.”

Before Seungyoon could answer back, a knock broke their conversation. After opening the door to either welcome or knock out whoever found time to bother them early in the morning (again), what he saw was someone he didn’t expect, someone he almost forgot.

“Hi! I came here last night but no one’s answering so I thought it’s either you’re not home yet or you’re asleep already, so I decided to come here today, and I brought coffee.”

“You’re the unicorn guy.”

Gentle giggle bubbled from the other guy’s mouth, that almost made Jinwoo laugh as well, but, you guessed it right, he decided to keep a serious face in hopes of intimidating the guy who didn’t faltered to approach him.

“You remembered that? Thank you.”

“Huh? You’re weirder than I thought.”

“So as you, you’re face and attitude doesn’t match at all. Before you address me as the unicorn guy when I greet you in the hallway, let me formally introduce myself. I’m Yixing, but you can call me Lay.”

“What’s with the nickname?”

“My friends decided to call me that, and it stayed with me until now.”

Jinwoo slowly nod his head in understanding, though he doesn’t want to show him being too comfortable with the new guy, for the actions and words he receive from Lay just reminds him more of Mino, who just left yesterday due to his parents’ wish.

Though he already knows his real past that was hidden from him, he still doesn’t want to look fragile to anyone, even with his brother to whom he’s most attached to.

“Ehem, would you just stand there and chat or would you like to introduce him to me hyung?”

He should not be nervous, but the part he hates is, he’s feeling his hands get clammy at the moment, despite of the fact that there’s nothing he should worry about his current situation. It’s not as if Lay is there to pull off the part Mino failed to fulfill.

”He’s… He’s Yixing. A new neighbor.”

“That’s all? You sure?”

“Yah!”

Seungyoon immediately covered his head to block any assault his brother was planning, yet, Jinwoo landed the attack into his tummy without him noticing the change in his direction, which almost made him cuss. Fortunately, he was able to hide the pain well to look tough to the new guy in his older brother’s life.

“Hi, I’m Yixing, but you can call me Lay.” His single dimple got deeper with his wide smile, making him look more like a kid who won’t plot any bad things against you. But Seungyoon is not easily swayed, especially when his hyung is involved. Though he acts all soft and sweet when it comes to Jinwoo, he’s an overly protective brother who wants to ensure that no one’s gonna hurt his kind brother.

Before Jinwoo could get hold of Lay’s presents, Seungyoon raced to his hands first and grabbed the free breakfast.

“I’ll have the first sip and bite, to ensure that this guy hasn’t put anything that can harm you hyung.”

“You’re being paranoid like our parents Seungyoon.”

“Am not! And you, you can go now.”

After assuring that his younger brother has gone to the kitchen, he bowed his head a little as an apology to the guy who hasn’t brought him anything but kindness.

“I’m sorry for my brother’s actions. He’s just… like that.”

“Nah, it’s fine, I’m going to my work anyways, and I just wanted to give you those. It’s the first time I saw your brother here, is he new here or it’s just me not seeing him around that much? I’m sorry, am I being too nosy?”

Crease formed on Jinwoo’s forehead, as if to say that Lay asked the wrong question.

“You’re asking that now? You’ve always been nosy anyways. He just arrived this morning, and I guess you’ll be seeing more of him from now on.”

“Well, I don’t mind.”

“Of course you won’t mind, we’re all living in the same building.”

“It’s not that. I’m thinking, he’ll not be as welcoming as you, with his reaction and all. But he’s your brother after all, so I don’t mind if he starts to become harsh.”

“When did I become warm and hospitable to you?”

“I’m the visitor; I’m the one who can tell if the host is great. And in my own point of view, you are one fine host.”

“You should really go to a psychiatrist and have your brain checked. You don’t think right anymore. Did you just say that you’ll be going to work? You’ll be late if you don’t start moving now.”

“Oh right! I almost forgot. Bye Jinwoo! Eat well!”

Mino left but it seems he forgot one of his tentacles here.

\----

“Hey hyung. Is that Lay trying to hook up with you?”

His younger brother pointed at Jinwoo as if he’s guilty of some crime he’s not even familiar of.

“Really Seungyoon? That’s the best words you could say? To clear things, no he’s not. He’s just trying to be bothersome in meddling with anyone’s life.”

“But hyung, he’s acting like Mino hyung before he admitted that he’s always been an admirer of yours.”

“Think whatever you like, I’ll just go back to sleep and be happy.”

“Oh no Jinwoo hyung, I’m not allowing you to go back to sleep again. Let’s just go to an amusement park or the arcade, I’ll treat you.”

“Don’t pull me around Seungyoonniee! I’m still your hyung.”

“Don’t be such a kill joy, if ever our parents decided to throw me out, might as well enjoy this day first. Let’s gp!”

\---

“Wow, just wow. You just soiled my new Balmain jacket with that bubble tea of yours. How nice.”

“Stop with the sarcasm please, we’ve already said our apologies to you. And why would you even wear that kind of clothes when you’ve planned to be here in an amusement park? You’re not going to a photo shoot.”

“Your sorry won’t clean this mess, huh, never mind. It’s a waste of time arguing with the likes of you.”

“You’re too sassy I wanna strangle you.” Jinwoo said in a hushed tone.

“Tsk. Petty people.”

After the stranger is out of their sight, Seungyoon turned his attention to his older brother who looks like a bull with ears and nose smoking in annoyance.

“I’m sorry hyung, I’ve brought you into a trouble, I’m not usually this clumsy. Let’s just go home.”

“It’s fine. And you said you would treat me today right? I won’t let that opportunity pass.” A playful smile filled his lips and he pulled his brother immediately before he could protest.

After spending their free time with various rides and a few games of hoops and gun fights, they decided to settle in a burger joint near the Ferris wheel to suffice their empty stomachs.

“You’re too old to ride in the roller coaster hyung, have you seen your face after the first few minutes? You’re as pale as my white guitar. Hahaha!”

“Right Yoon, just laugh it all now because I’ll gonna beat you in that horror house later.”

“You could not even finish one horror movie alone and that’s the challenge you’ve thought about?”

“I’ll beat you this time and- hey! What are you doing?!”

Before he could protest more, he was pulled out from his seat and was dragged into the van in front of the burger joint. Seungoon was left with his mouth hanging, jaw dropped to the floor, frozen in spot, he wasn’t able to follow his brother’s captor (at least his stomach is full by now).

\----

“What the hell?! Who do you think you are?!”

“You told me you’re sorry right? And I told you that your words won’t change a thing, so I’m giving you a chance now to pay me back.”

“What? You seriously think that I’m in debt with you and I’ll follow whatever you say?”

“Yes you will, it’s wither you follow me, or I’ll let your brother take your place to pay me. Either choice you suffer, but what’s more doable for you?”

“Yah! You cat with droopy eyebrows and weird hair part! How dare you to order me around?!”

“How dare you to call me names?!”

The atmosphere between them grew heavy, as if there’s an upcoming storm and their currently within the eye. If heavy gaze could produce charge, sparks would be flying off their eyes by now.

“Hyung?! Jinwoo Hyung! What did this bastard do to you?! If ever I saw any bruise on my brother you’re dead!”

“Whatever. So, have you decided already?”

After hearing the question, Seungyoon gripped his brother’s right hand and caged it between his two hands, concern seen in his eyes.

“What is this cat-boy trying to say hyung?”

“Hey I’m not a cat okay?!”

“I’m not talking to you!”

“Stop, both of you!”

As if on cue, silence captured their mouths, with Jinwoo looking smugly satisfied with the command in his voice.

“Fine, I’ll work for you just to pay for the mess we did earlier, so, what would I need to do?”

“First, I need to buy some girl’s clothes…”

“I don’t have any idea when it comes to ladies clothing picks; you’ve chosen the wrong person to assist you with that.”

“And a wig…”

“Wig? Where would you need that?”

“I don’t need your opinion, of what’s the trend in fashion, or where should I use things that I buy, I just need you to follow every single thing I say and you’ll be fine.”

“What?”

“We need to rush, I’ll have someone for your make-up and what’s your shoe size?”

“Honestly, what would you really tell me to do?”

“You just have to act as a girl, you don’t need to speak. Okay? Let’s go!”

“What the heck!? Seungyoon, help me! Take me away from this insane guy!”

“Hyung!”

Could this day get any more worse that yesterday? Mino, this would be the nice time for you to suddenly pop out of nowhere and give me a hand to escape from this adversity!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the rest of the weekend. For those who will be spending the weekend as if it's weekdays due to work, like me, let's survive the next two days people. Lovelots. I need some free hugs. (grabs you and hugs you tight)


	5. W.C.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello. Here's another chapter for you. Hope you enjoy up until the last chapter is posted.

“Time of death, 2:54 am.”

With his eyes closed, he looked calmer. His still warm skin contrasts his lifeless heart. He was once the life of someone; the reason why he forgot his old self, why he did change path for the sake of seeing a genuine smile take over the concerned gritting of teeth.

He doesn’t want to say that it all turned to waste; rather, he’s thankful that He let him be with the most precious person he had ever met, who taught him how to trust, respect, and love, even for a while. The years they spent seem like shorter than a day. He has reached the shore and is now feeling the darkness caving in while the glory of sunset fades.

Should he smile? After all, night and day is a never-ending cycle; one hour won’t last and would pass like a ripple on the pond after throwing a pebble. After all, dawn would still arrive and consume him with the sun’s rays. Everyone would be gone soon too anyways; it just happen that Minseok’s heart stopped first. He felt his eyes dampen with tears wanting to flow out since the day they first been in the hospital. It wasn’t a simple need to vent out the pain of him losing an important person; it felt like losing half of his heart, and it is a thousand times more excruciating than the time he’s got into a motorcycle accident. That was curable; what he’s going through in the present cannot be fixed by any physician.

For the first time since he decided to spend most of his time in the medical facility to look after Minseok, he felt tired. Those sleepless nights and eating less and past the right time has taken its toll on his body. If he wasn’t the guy Yixing before, who grew up alone and struggling in surviving, he might already be collapsing right now; he kept his ground and held Minseok’s hand tighter.

He wasn’t used to life’s drama; he cringe when he sees this and critic those persons who cries easily, or are madly in love, or enjoys victory fast, because he knows all of those are short-lived. But now, he’s the one whimpering like a lost dog, punching the bed and cheeks red from holding the emotions for long.

He caressed the now colorless cheeks that he once peppered with butterfly kisses; touched the closed eyes that intimidated him because it felt like looking right through him and to his soul; gently tapped the long lashes that he always admired and pointed out to Minseok every moment they woke up facing each other; and then to his lips which always gives him those gummy smiles every time he surprises him and hugs him out of the blue. He knows it will be long before he forget every single part of Minseok’s being; he is engraved too deep, yet unlike having tattoo which is just painful during the creation; the image of his first love hurts more today than the first time he had it memorized, for it’s too clear that it seemed alive, yet he can’t stick to memories alone for forever. What Minseok said when they just met on the subway has never meant or weighted much until today, he understands it so well right now.

Ink on paper will never be erased, but through time it will fade. Love may give you the best and worst memory; you may hate the one who’ve hurt you, but pain subsides, yet love remains.

\---

“You’re not sleeping yet?”

Yixing scooted closer to the sleepy figure of Minseok. Despite of the dimness that swallowed the room, he felt safe knowing that Minseok’s just a handful away, close within his reach.

“What’s wrong Yixing? You should rest, its past bed-time now and you’re just rolling and tossing there,” the innocent-looking guy said in a hushed tone. He showed an annoyed face, yet he accepted the younger one when he snuggled with him and when Yixingwrapped his arms around him for comfort. He did not argue and just let him be. To him, Yixing resembles being in the forest; his woody scent reaching him and giving him a calming effect. On the other hand, to Yixing, being this close to Minseok felt like sitting on cotton candy clouds and looking at marshmallow raindrops; the shorter guy’s sweet scent invading his nostrils and he felt teased, his heartbeat felt like racing in a professional F1 competition, and he feared that Minseok would hear it due to the proximity.

“I fear dreaming Hyung. It’s all nightmares, and I thought that, if I won’t sleep, the past won’t be able to hurt me.”

“Well, that’s true. Dreams are not always happy escapades; at times, they are traps of past [ains that haunts us in the present. To sleep is not the way to forget, when your fear is there, you need to face it. But Yixing, if you can’t face your nightmares, how much more the reality? And I’m beside you right now; you can strangle me tomorrow morning when you felt like your dream almost knocked out all the oxygen from your lungs. Right now, let’s just sleep, okay? Rest, you need that.”

“Sleep can wait, but this-” places a lingering kiss on Minseok’s forehead, “-cannot.”

A sweet smile found its way on his lip while he let his eyes close, feeling calmer, while Minseok felt as if he drank a bottle of energy drink due to Yixing’s sudden gesture.

“Yah!” he threw light punches on Yixing’s head who just laughed in response.

“Hey Hyung, stop it, that hurts already. And didn’t you say we need to sleep now?”

“Wow, now you’re using my own statement against me just to get out of the situation, you brat.” Minseok hissed yet Yixing silenced him with another kiss, just a chaste one, this time, directly on the lips.

“Hush Hyung, let’s just sleep. Good night, I’ll try to dream just about you, so, dream about only me too Hyung, okay?” with those words, he closed his eyes. He’s the one enclosing Minseok in a cage of his arms, yet he never felt safer than this moment, being assured that Minseok is there beside him.

\---

Another morning in a new place, trying to build new memories.

Like Jinwoo, Lay has his own reason of moving away from home. The difference is that, Jinwoo wants to know his past to cure his present, while Lay wants to bury his past and create a new beginning without the trace of past pains. When they look at Jinwoo, they see a hateful guy who has built walls around him to let everybody else out, yet they don’t see the boy who is lost and always wanted to be happy yet just can’t. The people who sees Lay everyday sees a nice and gentle lad who’s always happy and peace-loving, yet they don’t see the boy who’s still hurting and is frequently bothered by fearful nightmares.

They both lost love in the past, and just needed to be loved in the present.

\---

Is that the unicorn guy… Lay?!

Being sure that he seen someone he knew he immediately turned his back and face the wall. He doesn’t mind if others judge him, but being humiliated because of cross-dressing, is not part of his to-do list.

“What the hell are you doing? Act like a nice lady, prim and proper, and face the front, my mom is coming anytime soon.”

“She’s not yet here right? I’ll just turn around when she’s already in front of us.”

“Show your face right now.”

“Oh please Taehyun, don’t be so demanding, you’re the one who pulled me into this so stop being too sassy.”

“Says the one who’s not.” Both snorted and showed their annoyed faces. Dark auras are emanating from both guys, and if they could both produce electricity, sparks might already be seen from their eyes.

“You should have just pulled some girl out there to act as your fake girlfriend and not another guy like you who can break your neck when he had the chance.”

“If I’ve chosen any girl, she might end up clinging to me and demand to have a real relationship with me. By choosing you, you could just throw all that girl stuffs right after the date and there won’t be a trace of my ‘girlfriend’ right after. Then we could go on with our chosen paths, and another one, you ruined my clothes earlier so imagine this as plain payment to that debt. You don’t need to speak later; I’ll be the one to talk so you don’t need to worry so much, ok?”

“Have you finished your monologue? You’ve said too much but the main idea is simply, you don’t want to be in a relationship but your mom is too demanding so to find your way out, you hired a fake one.”

“You-”

“Darling! Taehyun!”

After hearing those words, they both straightened on their seats, and Taehyun quickly turned Jinwoo around to let him face her mother who’s walking nearer their table.

“Yah Jinwoo! Don’t test my strength and patience!” Taehyun whispered while clenching his teeth from forming a frown.

“It’s easy for you to say! You’re not the one acting as a girl here!” Jinwoo answered back in a forceful hushed tone.

To put weight on their points, they looked straight at each others‘eyes and throw daggers with their glares, not noticing their closeness. While they are both on fire due to seething anger, a person watching them simply thinks it’s all because of raging hormones.

“Hey lads! I know you really love each other, I can see that with my own two eyes, but minimize showing it in public, okay? It’s not that I mind, in fact, I find it cute!”

“Mom!”

“Hey Taehyunnie, no need to deny it. And your name young lady?”

“She’s… Hye Jin.”

“I’m not talking to you son. Let your girlfriend speak for herself! I’m sorry for my son’s behavior? Is he always this interfering? Don’t be afraid to approach me and tell me if it’s already too much to handle, okay?”

It’s not because Taehyun’s mother look intimidating due to her silk dress topped with cashmere coat, or her young face that exudes confidence and elegance, but because she seems too kind, that Jinwoo felt sorry for fooling her at the moment.

How could he pass this crisis without creating another one?

I should have called Lay when I had the chance, maybe he could find a way to pull me out of this. How could I even hurt the feelings of this nice person?! Wait…. When did I become sensitive about the feelings of others!?

“Oh gosh you’re blushing!” With these words, she unconsciously pinched the now cherry-red cheeks of her son’s ‘girlfriend,’ thinking ‘she’ is too cute for ‘her’ own good.

“Now I understand why my son liked you. You’re totally adorable! Right son? Where did you meet this cute lady? I already want to bring her home!”

Home?!

After hearing those words, Jinwoo fell into a fitting cough, and Taehyun immediately gave him a glass of water, feeling uneasy as well with her mother’s current reaction.

“Mom! You’re embarrassing her!”

“Aww, our cute Hye Jin is a shy one. You remind me of my young self.” She said in a dreamy tone, as if having nostalgia at the moment.

“Really? Mom, really? From what I know, you’ve always been like that. You were never a gentle soul Mom.”

“Yah!”

Jinwoo’s gaze landed on the bickering pair of mother and son, actually finding it cute, seeing them treat each other like best of friends.

I guess I’ll make it out alive. This day is not so bad after all.

\---

“Hye Jin darling, call me if you have any problems with my son, alright? I’ll hurt him for you, so don’t worry.”

“Wow, all you’ve said about me implies that I’m such a bad person.”

“Darling, I’m not saying a bad person, but I believe you’re not such a nice boyfriend so-”

“Mom!?”

“Okay, calm down and stop being too whiny, your more girly that your girlfriend. Can you even keep your cool just like Jin?”

“You don’t even sound like my usual supportive mother, what happened, really.”

“Don’t mind my son darling, he’s just like that, all sass. Anyways, I need to go now young lad and lass, or else I’ll be late for business. Goodbye!”

After making sure that she’s out of sight, they immediately sank deeper on their seats, feeling the tension slowly diminish.

“You’ve got a cool Mom there.”

“Yeah right.”

“And you obviously care about her.”

“If it’s that obvious, no need to say it.”

“But why did you lie to her?”

Silence.

“You don’t need to know. You’ve done your part, and I thank you for that, you can go now.”

Jinwoo did not try to press on to know the real reason behind, he just stood up and walked away, without looking back, leaving Taehyun on his seat who kept his head hanging low, mentally slapping his self for thinking about those eyes that almost made him spill the beans.

I don’t need to ask to know that you’re in pain too, Taehyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter coming up! (throws little pieces of colored papers at you)


	6. W.C.6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update for today. Hope you all have a calming weekdays and weekends after surviving this midweek.

December 22, 2015

It has been quite silent since that cross-dressing case of mine for that brat Taehyun. I’m living a normal life now with my brother who was not kicked out yet decided to live with me because he’s paranoid that someone would come and snatch me one day and take me to a place he’ll never find. He should really lessen his time on reading thriller and crime novels, it’s starting to take over and corrupt his mind. No offense to those readers like him, it’s just, he’s sometimes too attached with his imagination, which are creepily far-fetched at times.

I’m still my good, I mean bad old self. Well, Lay still sticks to his belief that I’m innately kind, and just doesn’t know how to show that side of me well. I just let him be, as long as he brings me tasty breakfast for free every day, who am I to stop him from believing in the goodness within me? *sly grin*

Knowing that his brother has gone out to buy some decorations for the coming Christmas, Jinwoo just let himself stay in bed and cuddle with his black pillows while enjoying the warmth from his gray hoodie.

“Thank you hoodie-ah. Hmmm, what should I give Seungyoonie this Christmas? Another fedora hat? He’s got tons of those already. A new coat? But what if he thinks it’s not that stylish? A white guitar? Nah, that’s too costly. Aargh!”

“Why don’t you make a cake for the both of you? It’s not that expensive yet thoughtful.”

Startled, Jinwoo tripped on his own pillow that was trampled on the floor , loud crash resonating within the not-so-roomy apartment.

“The Hell?!”

“Oh my, Jinwoo! Here, let me help you.”

“How did you break in without me noticing it?!”

“Well, the door’s not locked so I decided to come in, and when I walked here, you’re spacing out and mumbling things I couldn’t hear, so…”

“All right, I get it, my fault.”

“No, I’m sorry for going in without permission and startling you. Well, I brought you caramel macchiato and pancakes, is that enough as a peace-offering?”

“So where’s the food?”

\---

“You’re supposed to stay by my side, not abandon me Taehyunniee!”

Her face is all scrunched up, though her beauty still stands out, with her long jet black hair and good fashion sense, surely anyone who’ll be able to date her would feel lucky, well of course, we’ve got Taehyun as an exception.

“Stop with the nicknames Irene, we’re not even a couple.”

“Yet. We’re not a couple yet.” She replied, giving an emphasis on the word yet. Pouting and sulking would never work on the kinds of him, yet she still bother to try. Maybe, just maybe, it could be her lucky day to melt the heart of the person who would not even lend a hand if ever she trip.

He kept his stoic face and cold manner, which confuses him why ladies get attracted to him despite of this attitude. He’s tired of all the dates his mother pushes him to go to, just because he told her another lie that him and ‘Hye Jin’ broke up for a reason he would not tell (because there was never a reason to tell anyway) thus, his misfortune.

“We will never be a couple Irene. Believe me, so stop fussing and just go home already. I’ve got my own matters to attend to.”

She tried to hold his hand to stop him from moving away farther, but he just swatted it away, without looking back at the teary-eyed Irene.

“Your mom’s finds me good for you already, and anyone we know that sees us always rants about how we look good together, and I’m being stupid here already still sticking by you despite of that attitude problem of yours, what more do you want!?”

With this he looked back and walked slowly towards where Irene is standing, cheeks flushed and wet with tears, not minding the stares given to them by others outside the restaurant where they just had dinner. It was not too late in the evening yet, thus the numbers of onlookers is still enough to make you feel embarrassed. But Taehyun doesn’t care.

“Do you know how many girls my mom forced me to date? You’re the seventh in her list already, and I’m more than sure that every single good word my mother told you is the same line she had told to the other six girls before you. So Irene, don’t think you’re so special that I should never think of leaving you all alone right here, right now. ‘Cause I don’t mind disappointing her again and again. Oh, here’s my hanky, take this as a parting gift from me. By the way, you’re make-up’s a mess right now.”

All this he said in a calm and friendly tone, making Irene just weep louder after losing him from sight.

\---

“- this car!”

If his car could talk and move like human, they’re probably having a wrestling competition at the moment. After that dramatic walk-out, Taehyun’s car decided to get broken just a few blocks from where he left Irene sobbing her heart out. Despite of the fact that it can never fight back, he kept on kicking and cursing his own car, like it has just done something so evil it needs to be punished.

“Hey stop that!”

“Why would I stop? And who are you to order me around!?” Taehyun answered while his feet are busy kicking the passenger’s door.

“Why? Because that’s a freakin Lamborghini man! I’ll treat that as a delicate baby if ever I’d be lucky enough to have one.”

“I’m not asking for your opinion so just shut up and mind your own business.”

“You asked me, I just answered.”

Taehyun decided not to retort and just threw him a deadly gaze. The other guy just shrugged the intense stare and decided to step back on his skateboard, go and enjoy the warmth of his home, not until something popped in his mind.

“Wait… that guy look familiar. Hey mister!”

“What is it this time!?”

“You’re the one who took my brother without any explanation just because he soiled your clothes, right?”

“What are you sayi- ah, you’re the brother of that brat.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“It’s proven, you really are his brother. So what now, that you happened to meet your brothers abductor? Got any plans of punching me on the face or kicking me on the shin?’’

Seungyoon let his chin rest on his pointing finger, forehead creased as if in a really deep thought.

“Actually, I got a better idea.”

\---

“What the- Seungyoon!”

”I’m sorry hyung, I just thought he could help with the decorations, you know, I don’t really trust you with that, or else your apartment would look as if being prepared for Halloween.”

“You’re such a kind brother.”

“Love you hyung.”

“Ugh. All this cheesiness would kill me. Just tell me what to do so and let’s get over it.”

Jinwoo just snorted with the coldness Taehyun shows, yet Seungyoon just kept on smiling. It’s not every day he could annoy the hell out of his brother, so he’s grabbing the opportunity at hand. It’s not that he’s born to make his brother’s life miserable, he loves his brother dearly, it’s just that, an irritated Jinwoo is such a cutiepatootie Jinwoo.

They started on cleaning the apartment and placing the decorations Seungyoon bought where it would look good. Just as Jinwoo was placing the mistletoe on the kitchen door’s top, someone knocked on the door, thus Seungyoon went to look who chose to bother them at the moment, leaving the two awkward with each other.

“Taking that kind of task even though his height doesn’t agree. Tsk.”

“Talk to the hand Taehyun.”

“No thanks, I’d rather talk to myself. Just finish your work already so I can go home.”

“Who are you to be so deman- Aaah!”

Jinwoo got surprised when he lost his balance due to abrupt turning to face Taehyun, but what he expected to be the cold floor seemed to be warmer and softer than what it should be. As he opened his eyes, he was welcomed by the confused look of Taehyun just a few inches away from his face. He immediately stood up while Taehyun still lied on the floor, and though he reached out his hand to help the latter, there was no reaction at all.

“Jinu Hyung! I bro- wait, Taehyun? What are you doing here?” Mino asked in a serious tone. Now that all eyes are on him, the latter stood up an dusted his clothes off. He kept his cool an just ignored the question thrown to him, grabbed his jacket and gloves and went straight for the exit.

“I guess I’ve done my part now, I hope our roads don’t cross again.”

After he left, Mino turned his attention to Jinwoo, while ignoring the murderous gaze Seungyoon is sending him.

“How did you two meet?”

“You just arrived, without informing me in advance, and you’re being all too serious right now. Is that the result of being trained to be the heir of your family’s company?”

“I’m serious Jinwoo hyung. How did you know him?”

“Why do you care so much? Why don’t you tell me first why do you know him and why are you getting worked up by his presence? It’s as if he’s done you wrong.”

“Because he has! He’s my… he’s my first boyfriend. I stood up for him, but he denied me, in front of everybody. You shouldn’t trust him. Trust me, I know.”

It’s not the fact that he has pretended as Mino’s ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, nor Mino having revealed a piece of him Jinwoo has no idea of, but discovering that the guy who he thought was as straight as a pole, was actually a gay. Like him.

What’s wrong with you Jinwoo?! Is that more important than knowing Mino has returned already even for just a short time as a vacation?

“Jinwoo? Are you even listening to me? Oh please don’t tell me you’re attracted to that guy? I’ve lost you twice already, from giving you up to my brother, and from that amnesia of yours, I won’t allow you to slip away from me this time.”

“I- who told you about losing me again?” and with this, a smug smile filled Jinwoo’s lips, making Mino’s dark expression turn into a pleased one.

“Ahem, I’m still here guys. And I won’t allow you to be left alone together. You’re also not allowed to get a room. Understood!? ”

“Well, seems like my brother-to-be is still uncomfortable with us being together.”

“Don’t call me that! You need to prove yourself first before I allow you to display affection with each other.”

“Oh please Seungyoon, seriously, stop nagging and just let me be this time.”

“No! And that’s an order!”

“But what if I initiated the skinship first?” Jinwoo answered with a playful smirk on his lips.

“Well… wait, what? No, Hyung behave!”

“Not even a simple hug? Like this?” Mino butted in, enveloping the smaller figure with a giant hug.

“Hey! Get your hands of my hyung! You-”

“Hello! I’ve made fruitcake and I want to know your opinion ab-” Lay came into a halt after seeing Jinwoo being hugged by a stranger (to him it’s a stranger, and quite a creepy one if you ask him) and Seungyoon flushed with what seems to be anger, and gently placed the container with fruitcake on the nearest table, beside some Christmas balls still not placed on the Christmas tree.

He blinked once.

Twice.

Thrice.

“Ah seriously?! What’s with the people always cutting my moment with my lovely Jinu hyung!?”

He almost laughed, almost, but because Jinwoo doesn’t want his image to be smeared with a simple sign of being cheerful, he hold back a smile, and kept his gaze anywhere but his whining soon-to-be-boyfriend.

When all of a sudden, the image of Taehyun just a few inches away from him flashed into his mind.

“Aargh!”

They all turned their eyes on Jinwoo who kept on shaking his head.

“Jinwoo?”

“I really need to have a taste of that fruitcake! Now where’s the fork and plate?”

It’s his other way of saying, ‘take me out of this situation, oh please, if you can’t, just kill me now, I feel horrible’.

Sadly, both Mino and Seungyoon felt his dilemma, and they would do everything to get the truth out of his own mouth. That’s how much they care about him.

While lay just stood there, looking like trapped in his own world again, yet just thinking on more recipes to learn to lighten up Jinwoo’s mood every single day.

Who knew his silent life could get so complicated in such a short period of time? One time, he’s travelling and wandering around like a lost soul, next he realizes it was the longest time he stayed in one place without grumbling about wanting to go again, yet it seems like the glitches were the ones who took an effort to visit him.

\---

He probably know now… I guess he would be disgusted by me, like him, like my very own father. But why do you care about what he would think about you Taehyun?! Keep your mind straight and just forget about them all.

As he kicked his car once more, he saw a familiar pink Audi stop beside his own. And he didn’t expect to see a familiar face, still in a mess with the smeared few left eyeliner smudges, but with a sincere smile now occupying her lips.

“What are you doing here? Go home.”

“No, I’m not leaving you here at this hour, hop in.’’

“Irene, I thought we’re already clear ab-”

“Yes, we’ve gone through that, but I did not say that I will release my hold too like what you did back there.”

“You’re not stupid to keep on sticking on someone like me whose sole idea of love is to hurt you every damn time. Stop being a martyr.”

“I’m not being stupid, I just chose to love someone who is.”

“What?”

“You don’t need to be guilty, just let me do what I want. That’s the only thing you can do as compensation after hurting me, right?”

Taehyun’s expression softened for a while after hearing those words, and returned to his cold self again to avoid Irene being attached more than what she’s already showing.

“Oh common, just hop in already or I’ll actually leave you here. It’s not as if I’ll harass you in my car or something.”

“Well, I couldn’t be sure, so… okay. Just make sure you’ll be quiet all throughout the trip.”

“Aye aye captain!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovelots to all of you. Life is quick but it's up to you how you'll extend the chapters. Sorry for being weird today. It feels like migraine will hit me anytime soon... Bye bye!

**Author's Note:**

> Free hearts everyone. (throws small hearts to all readers)


End file.
